Please ignore me. I like it.

*It's from 'The Breakfast Club'.
But still true :)
 

It's 10 on Monday morning in the land that time forgot, aka Queensland. The land where daylight saving is a big scary monster that will disturb cows, fade curtains and create so much havoc that we must not even entertain the idea of its introduction. Besides, it's so much nicer being 30 degrees at 5am is it not? I actually saw the sunrise this morning, at 459am. (It's not even summer yet; have I mentioned no daylight saving in Qld?!).

But I digress. I'm trying to kill time until my shift starts late this afternoon. I appear to be in a communication black hole right now. People aren't replying to my emails or texts. I haven't said or done anything to be worthy of getting snubbed. I'm not a needy person, but it really feels a bit horrible. I need a hug :(

New directions. Maybe.

While I was on my self imposed Twitter ban, I worked on developing my ideas bank for writing. And it was a little... surprising.
I'm now thinking of establishing another blog that's anon. The concepts are a bit out there, and  I don't want to feel like I'm censoring myself with what I'm writing (like I do sometimes on here) because people know it's ME.
Depending on how it goes, maybe I'll want to reveal it later, but I'm a bit excited to see how it might evolve for now.

opinions and social media

It seems that the self absorbed, narrow minded masses have insidiously infiltrated my world.
I'd taken a break from Twitter which I was fairly heavily involved in and really enjoyed being a part of, mainly because I had been so sick and stressed with work recently. I'd been dropping in now and again to see what was happening in the lives of friends and some of the more interesting folk I'd had the pleasure to come across and interact with online.

I'm so disappointed and disillusioned with people's attitudes and beliefs about things lately. Politics clearly is the main one - I'm not even going to start on that because my rant will never end. But it's not just that topic. I'm loathe to jump on and debate them because I value their friendship and I suspect doing that might change it. But now I'm wondering did I ever really know these people at all?

Shutdown

I've basically cut myself off from everyone while I've been sick.
No Twitter, Facebook, contact with friends. My mum and my sister are pretty much the only people I've spoken to.

APART from he-who-must-not-be-named, or LAEB (loser arsed ex-boyfriend) from much older blog posts. I don't know what it is about him, he just seems to pop up like a some fucking annoying jack-in-the-box toy that you thought was broken and had died, but then SURPRISE! it springs open to hit you in the face.

I am a very nice person, probably too nice, and especially not feeling the best I wasn't enthused about being a bitch to him on the phone. It was fortunate that I lost my voice at one point so I was spared the communication.

Suffice to say, he has not changed in the least. The best thing I can say is that he has refined my want/don't-want-in-a-gentleman list.

But for now..

Back on the horse? So to speak

Errmerrrgerd.
I am pissed.
My neighbours are playing the most shitful party music I've ever heard. "Jack Jack Jackie" WTF?!
I'd really really really like to say how I feel about someone but I don't have the guts. Things are useless anyway.
Instead, I am updating revamping my ancient online dating profile.
This shit is crazy.

YES. Take note, boys.

My blergh for today

Yes, I've been a pain in the arse and whingy and woe-is-me. But I'm sick. And I don't like it. So I'm staying away from people-I-can-touch people, Twitter, Facebook, pretty much everyone and everything. Except my mother, who won't stop calling me. I'm tempted to croak the lyrics of Lady Gaga's 'Telephone' down the line at her next time.

So my darling blog readers, how few of you there are, you cop the brunt of my whinging. If you're still reading that is.

Calling like a collector, sorry I cannot answer!!

What's bugging me today?

* Having to ring in sick for work when you have no voice. I KID YOU NOT.

* One painful, tender left calf. Convinced I have a DVT now from my trip to Perth. Even though I arrived back 12 days ago. It's not swollen. And I have no other risk factors.
IT'S A DVT I TELL YOU.

* It's the beginning of October and it's 32 degrees in Brisbane. 32. No, just no. Give me Melbourne or Hobart's chilly 13 degrees today instead. I DON'T WANT TO WEAR SINGLETS YET.

* It's Bathurst 1000 weekend. Crazy big car race for those not in the know - link here. Somebody that I used to know (who I said I'd never mention again on this blog) was very fond of the car stuff. Thus, I'm trying to avoid it as much as I can. I AM EMOTIONAL ENOUGH RIGHT NOW THANK YOU UNIVERSE.

Is there some weird astrological thing happening that's making me a bit crazy right now? I know it's not hormone related. I hope these ranty cranky-pants posts don't continue much longer. I'll go and look for something positive or pretty to blog about when I'm feeling better. Until then, hang in there with me. I'm really quite nice in real life normally...

Wallowing

Is there any positive side to being ill? Apart from time off work of course.
I imagine it's probably quite comforting and almost nice if you have someone in your life to look after you, or at least someone who cares enough that they're checking you haven't died during your convalescence. Maybe cook you stuff if you're lucky.

I need a hug.

I miss having this. Being at home sick right now is making me extra sooky. My parents offered for me & the cats to go and stay with them until I've recovered. It sounds really pathetic how tempted I am to take them up on it. Wah!

Sick sick sick

I hate being sick. I really really do. And I am one of those annoying people who will still go to work until they are just about ready to collapse (*except if I am infectious - that's just stupid spreading germs around in a hospital).

Felt like hell yesterday; I think every staff member told me I looked that way too.
So I am on sick leave, which is probably a good idea since I'm so lethargic I can barely get out of bed. Thank god for laptops and iPads and iPhones.

Anyway, I took some medication last night and whoa, spin out. Never had such a reaction to just Panadeine Forte before. I was watching The Big Lebowski, and I was in a total haze. It's a bizarre movie anyway, but I felt like a zombie. Then I couldn't get The Dude out of my head the rest of the night.

You always come across people at the hospital who just WON'T take any OTC medications whatsoever whenever they're sick. That's kind of silly. That's what they're there for, why suffer if you don't have to? But I think I'll be sticking to my Aspalgin only after that experience.

Telling stories

A friend of mine has released a book - her nursing memoirs. It's great. It's witty, gross, teary. I'm extremely happy for her success.

It had me thinking - I have so many stories from my time in emergency. Funny, crazy, tragic, scary, everything. I remember so many things. People, situations, feelings. I know I can write about them. But would anyone want to read them? Kristy's book kind of says yes, but I'm just not confident.

Emergency nursing has changed my life, more than I ever though nursing was possible. I guess I don't want to feel like I'm diminishing its importance in my life, or the people who've changed it, by talking about it. So I'm
banking experiences, ideas, pondering.

I saw this tweet a little while ago - I've no idea who 'Redheaded Pharmacist' is, but this is so true.
 

At 3/4 time

So, October already. 3/4 of the year gone. And I feel as if I've achieved so little.

Re-evaluation time. I need a leave of absence from social media for a while; feeling too tangled up (in Twitter mainly right now) than is healthy for me.

I'll endeavour to blog or at least write for myself over the next month, and try to regain some sense of direction.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot.