Counting down

Right now I feel as if I am in limbo land. I have 5 working days left until I go on leave, and they may well be my last days working as a nurse.

I don't hate my job, but I am lacking satisfaction, and I don't really see things improving enough to make me want to stay for much longer. I've had some unpleasant experiences in the past few months which has made me re-evaluate whether the security and money the job offers outweighs my general happiness and mental well-being. I don't think so anymore.

This time off is really going to be about me having some R & R, writing, travelling and thinking about my future. And I'm really pretty excited by this prospect.

Unveiling

Been going over some prose/general thoughts I had put down in the latter half of last year. At the time it felt like this diabolical and disastrous unravelling was going on in my life, although now it makes me cringe a little to think of how down I was about things. I wrote a few poems that my good friend published through her 'poetry of the day' list. It felt cathartic to get some of my emotions down on paper (and I was exclusively writing by hand, I found that it just wouldn't come if I sat and tried to type it).

Anyway, this is one of the less cringeworthy poems I wrote. Initially I had no plans to share this kind of writing of mine with anyone. I was embarrassed by how emotional I felt about the people I was writing about, and I suppose in some way I thought my ?thoughts ?ideas were a bit childish. However, I have found a lot of pleasure in writing again after a long long time, and while it may be awful, naive or amateurish, it's something I intend to keep working on purely as an outlet at the moment, maybe something more down the track. I am working up the courage to participate in one of the many open mic poetry slam gigs around Brisbane in the next few months, so making 'it' (even though it's just 1 poem for now) public is my start. And if you think it is shit, feel free to tell me. Feedback is feedback.

Cold shoulder

A depth of feeling that I cannot express

Used to be so eloquent with words

A virtual torrent of phrases

Fingers sore from the flow of consonants and vowels

Now my head swirls

A cesspool of letters

A torrent of words wanting to come out

But there is

no order

no reason

no sense

to be made of them

In my head I have had Oscar worthy speeches made

Booker Prize winning works on paper

But the few things expressed to you have been ignored

Now the growing wall of silence threatens to crush me forever.

33 Ways To Stay Creative

I have had this list stuck on the wall for a while now. I kind of just glance at it when I walk past now and not really read it anymore. Since this year is supposed to be bringing massive upheaval across the board in my life (according to astrologers anyway), I thought trying to flex my creativity was a start. So this list of '33 Ways To Stay Creative' will be getting a test from me. One list item a day, unless it is something blindingly obvious, like #9 - drink tea/coffee.  I might post about it, I might not. Without further ado, here be the list:

33 Ways To Stay Creative

1. Make lists

2. Carry a notebook everywhere

3. Try free writing

4. Get away from the computer

5. Be otherworldly

6. Quit beating yourself up

7. Take breaks

8. Sing in the shower

9.. Drink tea/coffee

10. Know your roots

11. Listen to new music

12. Be open

13. Surround yourself with creative people

14. Get feedback

15. Collaborate

16. Don't give up

17. Practice, practice, practice

18. Allow yourself to make mistakes

19. Go somewhere new

20. Watch foreign films

21. Count your blessings

22. Get lots of rest

23. Take risks

24. Break the rules

25. Do more of what makes you happy

26. Don't force it

27. Read a page of the dictionary

28. Create a framework

29. Stop trying to be someone else's perfect

30. Got an idea? Write it down

31. Clean your workspace

32. Have fun

33. Finish something

** Apologies to the original owner of this list. I can't remember where I got it from. When I do, I'll post the details.